moving! (again)

okay, so I am moving yet again and hopefully this will be my last cybermove for quite awhile. I have a lot planned for this new blog, so keep checking back for more! :)

Click here to visit my new blog!

Valentine's Scrooge

147, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

As I write this, I am on my way to the beach with my grandparents. We just got out of Walmart and boy was it a madhouse… we nearly ran a few folks over with the buggy. Of course, that could have been my grandma’s crazy buggy driving… hehe, just kidding!
Walmart is so chock full of Valentine’s merchandise now, it’s rather sickening. A whole aisle of pink and red frilly disgustingness. No offense to those of you who adore naked babies who shoot people and overdosing on sugar with enough red #40 dye to give an elephant a sugar rush.
I really don’t have a problem with the commercialism of it all, actually. You’ve probably read a post about this from me before, but my only real problem with Valentine’s day is the pressure. It’s a breeding ground (no pun intended) for expectation, disappointment, and broken hearts. Not to mention it greatly highlights my least favorite color, pink. Yuck.
maybe I'm just doomed to be a scrooge about holidays in general. sigh.

We long for belonging

130, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

My grandma’s china is blue and white and makes me think of cuddling up in one of her hand crocheted blankets with a bowl of her amazing scrambled eggs and a really, really good book to read. Oh how I love this china.

Isn’t it funny how the simplest of things can make us think of home? Not where-we-live home, but where-we-belong home? I’m not sure where my home is any more. Whenever I see blue and white together, I think of my grandma and grandpa’s home. Whenever I eat cafeteria food or smell pine needles, I think of my camp home. And when I wake up before everyone else and have a few moments to quietly enjoy a cup of coffee, I think of where I live now.



I could feel all broken up and unsure of my identity and have a messed up sense of belonging. That’s how I imagine some people like this feel. But I don’t feel that way at all. Instead I feel so lucky to have so many places I do belong.

It’s all pretty lovely. : )

Salvation Soapbox: Part 2

112wm, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

I believe that when we cry, God isn’t up in heaven watching us cry and catching our tears in a little treasure bottle so he can check that off his to-do list of promises to fulfill. No. I believe that when we cry, he’s right there with us, crying twice as hard. He hurts for us because he loves us. He knows our pain because he knows us better than we know ourselves.

And when we laugh, I like to think he’s feeling our joy in his heart, pulling at his cheeks and making him laugh too. He’s right there with us in the good, the bad, the ugly. He doesn’t want to see us hurt because he loves us so deeply and entirely and perfectly that seeing us unhappy troubles him. He never wanted us to sin, he never wanted anything bad to ever happen to us. But he knew that there had to be a possibility, otherwise we’d all be as good as robots. That’s the reason behind the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God wanted us to choose to love him, because that’s the only way true love will happen.

And we failed. We fail each and every day.



So then he gave us another shot. He really doesn’t want us to hurt. He doesn’t want us to mess up, he doesn’t want us to be sad, he doesn’t want us to sin. But we do. God doesn’t need our love, he created us because he loves so much that he wanted something to love. He is love. He wanted something to give a tiny fraction of himself to.

One reason he created us is because he enjoys us. He loves us so much that he had a son with Mary, the only offspring he has had and possibly will ever have… I’m not sure if God plans on ever having more children… hmm… and since Jesus was perfect, like God, he was the perfect atonement for our sins. So God let his only son be brutally murdered in the place of us, as a sacrifice to give us another shot at a relationship with our father.

Amazing, isn’t it?

Salvation Soap Box: part one

117wm, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

I still believe God is good, I still believe he’s real, I still love him like crazy. But that doesn’t make me hurt any less, it doesn’t make me feel the least bit better and it doesn’t solve my problems. People are always saying the only thing that can truly solve your problems is God, but I think that’s not exactly right. Or at least it can give the wrong impression.

You see, saying that makes people think that God is the magic cure to everything. Once you pray that magical prayer, you’ll get that job, you’ll get straight A’s, you won’t cry another tear and no one will ever be mean to you again. That is, unfortunately, very wrong. Horribly wrong. Take it from a girl who would know, God doesn’t solve all of your Earthly problems. That is to say, he doesn’t make them go away with the wave of an enchanted wand.



And yet, he is still the answer.

Sometimes, he chooses to let us squirm and be uncomfortable. He’s not a get out of jail free card, we would never learn that way. But he never leaves us. He promises he will never forsake us, and what accepting Jesus does is take care of us in the long run. The bible tells us that when we get to heaven, whatever happened to us on Earth will seem as fleeting as a dream.

Stay tuned for part two…

mine

This song was stuck in my head today so I decided to make a lil picture for it :)

black and white

bottle, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

Dear my darling stranger,
sometimes I wish life was as simple as these photos I took the other day. I know that'd get terribly boring, but good gracious. Eventually, all the complexities of life explode in your face and right and wrong isn't straightforward, black and white, yes or no.



you grow up a bit, realize things aren't as simple as you hoped they were when you were little, and move along through life.

I see other people's lives and I think to myself, what have they been through? Everyone's had something awful happen to them at some point. Big or small, it changes them. It leaves a print on their life. It's up to them to decide what to nurture in themselves, bitterness or wisdom.

here's to a new beginning.

373edit, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

well, today is one, one, eleven. happy new year!
So far this year seems promising. I stayed up until 5am this morning with a group of my friends from camp... such fun!



and Thursday night I was feeling artsy, so I lit up 2 sparklers and shot a bunch of pictures of them. tada! not fantastic, especially the second one... but BOY are they fun to photograph! I think if I can find some good clearance sparklers I'll stock up and try and take some pictures with them.

I also kinda want to have fun with some christmas lights... not sure what to do with them, though... hmm

eleven sixteen

eleven sixteen, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

well folks, it's Christmas Eve Eve and unfortunately I have been spotty in my posting yet again. *sigh*
But, this time I do have a fairly good excuse, though I can't go into much detail about it. In simplest of terms my life has grown complicated in the past few weeks.
So unfortunately, nothing much is dependable lately as far as my schedule goes, and as a result, my blogging will likely be rather sporadic. Of course, you’re probably not surprised… I’m a bit of a nomad in the blog world as it is.
But on another subject, I do have quite a lot of happy things to post about. I don’t remember if I told you in a previous post or not, but I spent about ten days with my family up north this past week, celebrating Christmas and being subject to my grandfather’s “Algebra Bootcamp” as he called it. My other grandfather took me to a camera shop last Saturday and bought me a set of lens extension tubes… such fun and so many possibilities. I had some fun experimenting with them today and will post my results hopefully in the next few days.
Anyway. Merry Christmas to you all, if I don’t get around to posting before Saturday I hope you find that you get everything you wished for, sing lots of carols and drink an extra glass of egg nog for me!

Salt & Light

Salt & Light, originally uploaded by beag1e94.

1 - I had coffee pretty much every day for about two or three weeks... I wasn't terribly addicted to the caffiene, but I was still going through the classic withdrawal symptoms. My new technique? Willpower, Ibuprofen, and Hot Chocolate to help with the need for a hot beverage in this chilly weather. If you suck it up and resign yourself to feeling like crap for a few days, you're good as new just like that! Nifty Nifty Nifty.

2 - speaking of hot cocoa... I think I will try making some from scratch sometime this week using this recipe.

3 - Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg is a lovely song, especially this time of year.

4 - also check out Naturally 7's Tennebaum and Pachelbel Canon in D... AMAZINGNESS!!!!

5 - Did you know that in ghost prisons they will sometimes repeatedly play Metallica, the Meow Mix song, and the Barney song to "torture" terrorists into talking? which brings me to another little soapbox... if you listen to the How Stuff Works podcast on ghost prisons, US "torture" methods aren't really torture at all. sure, it's certainly not pleasant to go through, but compared to what other countries do? we let folks off pretty easy. and my definition of torture is when you have no choice but to go through it. there is always a way out for these guys... all they have to do is talk and it's over. *steps off of soapbox*

6 - check out this guy's art!

7 - salt & light. the picture is my photographic take on it :)